Christmas Special 2: HR’s Christmas Party Dilemma: Boundaries, Booze & Being Blamed

HR gets labelled “the police” at Christmas parties… and somehow also “the fun sponges”. 

In this episode, Andy and Siobhán talk about the reality of attending work socials when you’re the person everyone assumes will step in, calm things down, and clean up the aftermath — even though HR aren’t there to break up fights, and definitely shouldn’t be expected to put themselves in harm’s way. 

We get into the awkward moments (“Careful what you say… HR’s here”), the pressure of holding company confidences when everyone’s had a few, and why some HR pros choose to leave early… or skip the whole thing entirely. 

Plus: the different “tiers” of Christmas dos, why HR often prefer lunches, and a film recommendation that flips the “fun sponge” stereotype on its head.

Got a story or a view? Email letstalk@whynotwhatif.com
— we might do a follow-up episode with your takes.

Transcript

Andy: 0:00

Right, we're back for our uh Christmas nightmare series. So the last episode was top ten plus a few tips for employees when attending an event.

Siobhan: 0:10

Yeah.

Andy: 0:11

This one we're gonna do top uh question mark plus a few for HR. So I suppose kind of the back the the underlying challenge that HR face is that they're seen as the police within an organization.

Siobhan: 0:29

Yeah, and the fun sponges.

Andy: 0:31

And the fun sponges, that's it. Now what you uh obviously need to do is to make sure that you are sitting in line with your roles and company requirements and stuff, but at the same time is to actually be able to be human and show people that the reality is that you're not narcissistic gossips who are power freak, uh power freaks and just there because you know, doing the role because you've got a power trip, but actually that you're doing a really important role and there is a balance. So, this one we're going to cover off some pointers around that particular theme and a few others as well. When we were debating this just now, I said about leaving earlier, and you said just don't go.

Siobhan: 1:17

I think that's comes on under 20 after 20 odd years in HR. I don't go. If it's a lunch, then I go. Interestingly, so there's a tier in my mind, there's a tier of HR dos. So there's the generic everyone goes, it's in a hotel or one of those all god-awful places where there's loads of different corporates there and it's a sit-down meal and dancing. Apart from the fact I find them really boring anyway. They're the ones I tend to avoid personally because I used to go, absolutely, but they're the ones where there's been a fight that kicks off and somebody goes, Oh, quick HR, deal with it. And I'm like, I've had as much wine as these guys. What do you expect me to do about it? It's also my Christmas do. So there's those ones that can get really messy, or as I said on the H the employee session, one, this employee podcast, yeah, there's quite often a HR do. That tends to be a safer one to go to because you're with like-minded people who know what you know, who know all the secrets, and you don't have to worry about it. Because that's the other thing, is there's two elements here. One is, and you've seen it, and I've seen it actually, where HR people can use it as their advantage when people are relaxed and had a few drinks and mouths start going and secrets start coming out, and they find that juicy and a way of finding out what's going on. But on the reverse of which I don't agree with, the least I know the better, quite frankly. Uh I think when you're early in your career in HL, one of the attractions to it is you get to know exactly what's going on, but that novelty wears off when you realise you know too much and you'd rather not know some of these things. But also, we are a holder of a lot of company secrets, and it's not letting our guards down and forgetting when we've had a few drinks that oh, you know, the so-and-so was having an affair with so-and-so, or that person was sacked for this. We don't want to be sharing those things, so we have to be careful.

Andy: 3:22

That's interesting you say that because I can think of several company dupes I've been to where I've had conversations with people in HR, mainly because I know them quite well for all the wrong reasons, and they've told me stuff that they really shouldn't have been. Tim Lou. Yeah. So it goes that kind of goes back to the either leave early or don't go, or at the very least, remain copus mentors enough to know or to be able to. Yeah, I'm gonna be really crude about it, but control your gulp.

Siobhan: 3:51

Yeah, absolutely. Control your gulp. And then the other do I'm more inclined to go to is so this is what had happened in my when I was in corporate days. We'd have a HR do, usually months after Christmas, because that's the only time we got, but they'd all quite often be a senior leaders do as well. And that might be a lunch, which again is quite civilised, or it might be an evening meal. But again, that's a safer environment because they tend to know more what's going on in the business the same as you do, so you don't have to worry about spilling any secrets, but also they kind of they have some of the similar boundaries as HR have, in the sense they've got to be seen to be professional and grown up about it. So in that environment, you can be a little bit more relaxed, I suppose, because they're you kind of offer behind, and also they tend to be our business partners, so they we tend to have a stronger relationship with those folks, so that tends to be a safer place as well.

Andy: 4:51

But you tend to see more as allies as well, rather than the element. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, that that definitely helps. There was something you touched on earlier around there's a fight kicking off, HR needs to deal with it. It's the perception of HR, I think, that it's I mean, you and I have spoken about it before, where they're seen as the police, but actually it's not HR's responsibility to sort out if there's a fight, it's HR's responsibility to clean up the mess after the fight, which shouldn't have happened in the first place by following the disciplinary procedure and company policy and stuff. But it raises an interesting question, doesn't it? And that is that around the perception or the expectation that's put on HR at these events, because HR will say, and I did in the previous one, remember, this is a company event, therefore the company rules still apply, which then puts an overlay of this event is governed by HR laws and societal moral police, whatever else. So it's important to get the balance right, but I think it's also important for people to understand that HR aren't actually the police. So in in the event that something violent kicks off, why would you go to a colleague, irrespective of whether they're HR or not, and ask them to step in and sort it out?

Siobhan: 6:08

Exactly. They kind of go into this whole because we in the workplace we can be mediators, is like in that scenario with the fighting, it's like you mediate, you just stop fighting.

Andy: 6:20

I'm like I've got this picture in my head of of a bar at that swanky hotel with two employees fighting and an HR rep stepping in, going, right, let's sit down around the table and let's have a conversation about it. If if my experience in the police and life in general is anything to go by, the first thing that's going to happen to that HR rep is the rep is they're gonna get thumped.

Siobhan: 6:42

Exactly.

Andy: 6:43

So why would you put yourself in that position?

Siobhan: 6:44

You just try and put you in that position, but you shouldn't be in that position. And the other thing is, it's not just the policing side, although I have and I've I had some colleagues telling me as well, nine times you know, if I've been sat down next to somebody on a table at Christmas dew and they go, Oh no, not HR, watch your mouth, everyone, careful what you say. That's the worst thing. Because basically, there's there's two things there. You're either saying that we are no fun at all, and you can't say anything and be yourself and be relaxed and personal. The other thing you're saying is you actually wanted to say some really awful things. If if if if that's the case, were you gonna be racist or misogynistic, or what was it that you didn't want me to shoot to say?

Andy: 7:32

There's another point there though, because technically I would have thought that forms as that comes under some form of workplace harassment because you're harassing someone because of their role.

Siobhan: 7:44

Yeah, yeah, and you get that a lot in HR. Honestly, we get a lot of I would say bullying by employees and leaders sometimes. And who do we go to? Well, we can't go to HR, can we? Because we are HR. It's a really, really tricky, tricky position to be in, honestly.

Andy: 8:02

And it it and yeah, and I would imagine it's also quite difficult because if you were to follow the per the process on that, it's going to reinforce the belief that you're power happy freaks because it's yeah, oh HR are getting funny, but if you don't do something about it, then you're not addressing the behaviour.

Siobhan: 8:19

Exactly.

Andy: 8:20

Exactly.

Siobhan: 8:21

Yeah, it is. So we're in a rock between a rock and a hard place, honestly. Again, another reason why I don't go often. And but I hate that as soon as I can walk into a room and go, Oh, HR's here, stop talking. Yeah, there's a there's no positive by that comment. Either you're gonna say awful things or you just think we're out to get all the gossip, or we're just judging everyone. We're not judging everyone, unless you are being a misogynistic racist.

Andy: 8:53

If you're listening to this and you've been on the receiving end of that and you've come up with a response that stops people in their tracks saying that, tell us what it is. Let us know what you what your comeback will be because I think if you went back with Hmm. Interesting. So you're obviously going to behave in a particular kind of way, which you've chosen not to now because HR's about. Yeah. So it makes me wonder what you behave like when HR aren't around with your colleagues and in the workplace, but then that would probably be seen as a bit dictatorial or power happy or what I don't know. But anyway, it'd be interesting to hear what people's responses that they've tried and seem to work would be on that.

Siobhan: 9:39

Yeah. And and I would say as well, if if it's coming from a place of they think we're fun sponges, then they should come to a HR Christmas do and realise what we really like.

Andy: 9:50

Well, you said something earlier, didn't you, about HR statistically? Was that sales? No, HR drinks more than any other department.

Siobhan: 9:58

Yeah. Yeah, we drink we drink more wine in particular than any other profession. And I think, and that's not just at Christmas, that's all year round. We're not just Christmas drinkers, we're all here all year round.

Andy: 10:10

It's the stress of the job.

Siobhan: 10:12

It's the stress, it's a coping mechanism.

Andy: 10:15

There you go.

Siobhan: 10:17

And what was the other point we were coming out with? There was something else.

Andy: 10:22

Well, people are fairly brutal to HR, aren't they? I mean, we kind of covered that off. Uh yeah. But the thing that worries me there is if I was working in HR, I wouldn't go because there are always going to be people who have, let's just say, a vendetta against HR or a particular view of HR where they almost intentionally try to stir the pot and get people in trouble, which is another risk. I mean, a kind of high level, it's brand, it's personal brand and reputation risk, an event like this. So you kind of got to be on it for the event just to make sure that you're not being exposed to or at risk of some of these nasty things that people decide they want to do.

Siobhan: 11:03

There's a movie we were talking about the other day in HR in an HR chat I was in called The Office Party or the Christ Office Christmas Party. And in that feels American, but it's the hate head of HR, who is the one dancing on the tables and encouraging bad behaviour, and it's absolutely hilarious. Because it it it breaks down that perception of us being fun sponges and not knowing how to have a good time, because it's so that's a m movie worth watching, I would say.

Andy: 11:34

I've I've figured it out in my head. So so HR's position is that the reason that they are vigilant as to what goes on at the Christmas parties mainly is because that's their job to be vigilant and they're protecting the business. Yeah. But it's actually also because they're protecting the employee. And I think if we were being brutally honest, they don't want the headache for the next three weeks, four weeks, five weeks, six weeks of holding disciplinary after disciplinary after disciplinary.

Siobhan: 12:02

And investigations and all that jazz. Yeah. I think it's a case that actually that the the accusation of fun sponger is completely the opposite. Yeah. It's that they do want to have fun and they just want people to chill out and relax, and they don't want the headache of having to deal with the aftermath of stupidity and lack of common sense.

Andy: 12:22

Yeah, absolutely. There we go.

Siobhan: 12:26

Have we got more? I think we covered it all. I think so. Yeah. There you go.

Andy: 12:37

So uh if there's anything we've missed, well, don't drop us a line, or you could and we'll add it on to next year.

Siobhan: 12:44

Yeah. Do a new year special. It doesn't tend to be New Year parties, does it, for work at least?

Andy: 12:51

No, uh no, not really. But whatever you're doing over Christmas, and if you've had your Christmas event, then we hope you're okay and you're not dealing with too much if you've got it coming up. Just remember, just think about self preservation, is probably the best bit of insight we can give you. Yeah. Don't take the risk.

Siobhan: 13:08

Yes, don't take the risk. Think of your career.